Another year goes by and The Gauntlet, once again, was not shortlisted for the Diana Jones Award. The fact I care about this stupid award so much is honestly kind of ridiculous. It’s governed by an anonymous cabal, has a terrible history when it comes to matters of race and representation in gaming, isn’t exclusively about TTRPGs, and most gamers I interact with on a daily basis have no idea what it even is. And yet, here I am, pissed off we did not get shortlisted. We didn’t get any ENnie nominations this year, either, making 2019 a big goddamned wipeout on the external validation front.
Days like this are when I have to take stock. I have to remind myself that, despite the fact I crave validation from my peers for the work I have done, I’m never going to get it because I don’t tick any of the “in-crowd” boxes. I’m always going to be an outsider in this industry and I need to just come to terms with it. I need to learn to be content with The Gauntlet’s successes—with the community’s amazing spirit of creativity and play, and all the awesome things that flow from that—and to take satisfaction in the fact that, a few malcontents aside, I have a tremendous amount of support and love from the folks within our spaces.
But it’s hard. It’s frustrating to work and work and work at something—work that is equivalent to a full time job and that I functionally do for free—and it’s not acknowledged by the wider community, especially when so many people from the wider community benefit from that work.
I don’t know what the point of this blog post is, other than for me to give a sad sigh of resignation. At least it was short.